Oliver Wood Does NOT Keep a Diary!
by R.J. Moony
Summary: Of course not, it's a journal! But does that mean Oliver is not as simple-minded as he appears, to have enough thoughts to write down in one? We shall see! Ch. 5: WHY ARE WOMEN SO CONFUSING!
1. Title Page

Title: Oliver Wood Does NOT Keep a Diary!  
  
Author: Quidditch  
  
E-mail: MLshipperx5452@aol.com  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Spoilers: Books I, II, III  
  
Summary: Of course Oliver doesn't keep a diary, it's a journal, you idiots! Not that that makes it any better. But what does Oliver Wood keep in his dia-excuse me, JOURNAL? Does he honestly have thoughts that go beyond Quidditch? Is he really not as simple-minded as he seems? And-what's this? Oliver has a relationship? Wow, with whom? Why, Katie Bell, of course!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter or anything even remotely associated with it, I'd be a very rich and very happy woman, but as I am neither, I guess I don't own Harry Potter. Damn.  
  
A/N: Please be aware that I have no idea how to do italics or anything and get them to show when I upload the document, so you'll have to use your imagination a bit when reading to recreate Oliver's expression. Also, sometimes the computer does funky things to my ellipses (the three periods in a row, for those who don't know that word), so if you see a single period where there shouldn't be one, assume it was an ellipse gone bad.  
  
And, please be aware that this serves as the author note for the entire fic. I won't be leaving any more, because they kind of intrude upon the story a bit. Sorry to any reviewers who were hoping to see their names in a public thanks.  
  
So read on, and don't forget to review! It was reviews that made this diary much better than my first attempt at such a thing (please do not read it, please!), and I hope to get even better though further comments!  
  
If you have any questions, please either leave them in your review (but be sure to include your e-mail address, so I can answer them!) or e-mail me at the address listed above.  
  
Thank you all for taking the time to peek in Oliver's dia-sorry, sorry JOURNAL! Don't hit me like that, Oliver, it was only a stupid mistake.OW! 


	2. November 7

November 7  
  
Whoever said that writing your thoughts down in a journal is therapeutic was a moron. Look, I've written an entire sentence and don't feel any better.  
  
I can't believe we lost to Hufflepuff. To Diggory, of all people! Now, I'm sure he's a very-erm-lovely person, but he's not exactly the fastest broom on the market, is he? First game lost, to Hufflepuff.  
  
The year was going so well, too. My last year in school, easy classes (like I'm going to need N.E.W.T.S for anything), an outstanding team, and Katie.things were so good. I was so sure nothing could hold the team back, not this year, no, not when it was my last chance!  
  
We would have won it. That's what really gets me. We almost had it; if it weren't for those goddamned dementors. The only reason they're here is because of Potter, because Potter is important enough to have a crazed mass murderer after him. And, ironically enough, Potter is the most affected by the dementors. If only he hadn't fallen of his broom.god DAMMIT!  
  
I shouldn't blame him. I know it's not his fault. Katie reminded me of that, before she left to check on him. And I like the boy, really I do. A natural if I ever saw one! Hasn't lost us a game yet, until now. I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on him (though it might be a little hard to let got of something like this), third year on the team and only lost one game.even Charlie Weasley.  
  
Do you know what, I am feeling a bit better. All is not lost. We have a good team and, with a bit of luck, we can still pull this off, can't we? If Hufflepuff loses to Ravenclaw (which we all know they will, I mean, it's HUFFLEPUFF), and if Ravenclaw loses to Slytherin, and if we beat both Ravenclaw and Slytherin with a sufficient margin of points.it sounds like a lot, but it's doable.  
  
We'll need to practice extra hard, of course. Perhaps I'll increase the weekly practices once we're back in the game for sure. The team won't be too happy, of course, and Katie'll probably deny me physical contact for about a week or so, but they'll see my reasoning, once we win. 


	3. November 12

November 12  
  
The Ten Commandments of Quidditch (as recorded and commented upon by Oliver Wood, who remains faithful to the Quidditch gods and therefore gets to speak with them):  
  
1. Thou shall have no other devotion besides that to the divine and noble sport of wizards, Quidditch. Thou shall think of nothing but bludgers and quaffles, Porskoff Ploys and Dopplebeater Defenses, etc, for the rest of thine days.  
  
Comment: Girlfriends are an exception. Really. I'm not making that up to justify my own divided attentions, no, not me...  
  
2. Quidditch comes before all else. No matter how tired, no matter how heavy the rain or how loudly the wind roars, no mater how long thine essay for thine nasty, greasy Potions professor (who shall spend eternity being pelted by rabid bludgers) must be, thou shall have practice. If not, thine team shall be curse'ed for all eternity.  
  
Comment: I like this one. A lot.  
  
3. Thou shall NEVER refer to Quidditch as "stupid", or worse, say it is "just a game". Death and Destruction visit all who do.  
  
Comment: If only I could get Flint to use the words "stupid" and "Quidditch" in the same sentence. The above doesn't count cause I put quote around the words.  
  
4. Thou shall do no activity but that which is Quidditch-related on a game day.  
  
Comment: Yes, this includes eating. Damn.  
  
5. Honor and respect thine team captain. Do not refer to him as "fanatical" or "insane". Do all that he tells you and let no complaints escape your lips during practice.  
  
Comment: This one my team needs to work on.  
  
6. Thou shall always play by the rules.  
  
Comment: Flint...  
  
7. Thou shall never tell someone affiliated with an opposing team even the smallest detail about thine team's strategies.  
  
Comment: Thankfully, we don't have this problem. Unfortunately, neither does anyone else.  
  
8. Thou shall not take another team's practice time.  
  
Comment: FLINT...  
  
9. Thou shall not attempt to lie to the referee.  
  
Comment: FLINT!!!  
  
10. Thou shall not wish that any of thine players has the attributes of any of the opposing teams' players.  
  
Comment: My team kicks ass, end of story.  
  
Adhere to these simple rules, and thou shall please the Quidditch gods and find thineself on the way to Quidditch Glory. So says Oliver Wood, High Priest of the Church of Gryffindor Quidditch. (Services held every Tuesday and at midnight before games. All parishioners are required to wear the ceremonial robes and must bring food or else suffer the wrath of He Who Has Not Eaten Because He Has Been Too Busy Practicing.) 


	4. November 25

November 25  
  
Women. I'll never understand them.  
  
Katie's upset with me, because I touched her as we passed in the hall today. All right, maybe it was a bit more than a touch; maybe I kind of smacked her ass, but the point is, it's not that big a deal! I've done it before, even when we weren't going out, and maybe she got a bit annoyed but never upset!  
  
She screamed at me, right there in the middle of the corridor. Not exactly the best place to have a row with your girlfriend. Half the school heard. I now have hopeful little fourth years trailing me around, because they think we've broken up. Anyway, she screamed at me, something about how typical it was of males, to think that just because they're going out with a girl they can touch them whenever they like (there is truth in that but I don't see why it's an issue, anyway). She stormed off and I haven't seen her since.  
  
I was feeling pretty bad about it all day. I haven't fought with Katie for the longest time (fights over things like hogging the covers don't count), and I sure didn't want to start now, not when things were going so well with us. I think I must have looked awful, because Alicia came up to me after dinner and told me it wasn't my fault. She didn't tell me WHY it wasn't my fault, only that it had nothing to do with PMS (which was going to be my first guess) and Katie should be back to normal soon. I'm still utterly confused and wondering what I should do next.  
  
Should I apologize? I don't want Katie upset with me anymore than I want Slytherin to win the Quidditch cup. But, then again, it's not MY fault that she's being...well, a bitch. Not that she isn't usually a bitch, just to a lesser extent. At least she didn't get angry with me over stupid things.  
  
In fact, SHE should be the one apologizing to ME! She's the one that blew up! She's the one that made an issue out of something that had never had been one! So there! It's all her fault!  
  
I won't be apologizing. No way. If she cares to explain just what the HELL is going on, then she can come to me.  
  
One last though before I go to bed: The boys now have a little bet going: How long it'll be before I break down and beg Katie for forgiveness. Honestly, they act like she's got me wrapped around her finger or something... 


	5. November 27

November 27  
  
I gave in.  
  
I just couldn't take it any more. Like I said, I don't want Katie mad at me...and, to be honest, all it took was one look at her the next morning and I couldn't be mad at her, either.  
  
Merlin, I've got it bad.  
  
The bad news is, she's not ready to forgive me yet. And that sucks. I mean that really, really sucks. I gave up all pretense of dignity and fucking got on my knees and begged and she STILL won't take me back.  
  
And she went so far as to deliberately throw the quaffle at my head today at practice...  
  
Chocolates. I'll get her chocolates. All girls love those, right? Well, wait, maybe I shouldn't stereotype like that. After all, look at the reason I'm in this mess in the first place.  
  
I'll ask Percy what to do. That is, after he and the others stop laughing over my lack of willpower. But he has a steady girlfriend that he's never fought with, so he must know something about women that I don't.  
  
Yeah, I'll do that. In the meantime, I could use a few chocolates myself. 


	6. November 28

November 28  
  
Chocolates are a bad idea. No chocolates. Percy says so. I don't know why. He was about to explain but his brothers blew something up or turned something pink-polka-dotted or maybe just decided to mess with him, but at any rate he had to go off and play head boy and I still have no idea what to do about Katie and Alicia won't tell me and practice was downright AWFUL. Not just because Katie wouldn't talk to me but because the whole team is still down after that last game and I can't really blame them.  
  
You know, I'm actually becoming quite fond of writing in this thing. I may not look it, but there is a lot more than quidditch going around in my head. Katie, for example. Women in general. Idiot potions teachers, stuff like that. I really think writing it down is helping.  
  
Of course, if I tell anyone that, they'll think I'm soft and I've basically destroyed every shred of manhood I've earned from being a quidditch jock so this little journal is to be kept a secret. I've labeled it as a practice log just to be safe.  
  
Coming back to the subject of practice and quidditch, I really need to get my spirits up for it again, so I can get the rest of the team geared up, too. That's why I'm really hoping Hufflepuff is defeated in their next match, so we can get back in the game, and Harry keeps saying something about Lupin and boggarts that I'm taking to mean that he's getting help with his dementor problem. But the girls are still down about it and Katie especially is not making things easier, I think she's turned them all against me, telling them I'm a chauvinist prick or something like that, honestly I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HER!  
  
I just don't get it and it's driving me mad. I need someone to explain women to me. I thought I knew them pretty well until this happened! I think I'll go make the twins stop causing a scene now, so I can talk to Percy about this because, as helpful as I admit this thing is, I need to talk to someone who can actually talk back...and who's been able to hold down a girlfriend for more than a month, which disqualifies the twins...well, they were out of the picture, anyway, can you imagine talking to them about something like this? 


End file.
